You know, this past few days I've been kinda too emotional, not "Oh my god, life's so awful and I wanna kill myself" emotional but something more like "What the fuck am I doing with my self" emotianl, then I realized that I've totally lost it.
I know it's kinda vague saying it just like that "I lost it". I mean, what does that even mean?
Have you ever find yourself watching videos on YouTube of your favorite blogger and then realize you've been sitting there for like a gillion hours and suddenly you have no idea of why are you watching what you're watching or how do you get those girly handicrafts tutorials when you were watching Tales of Mere existence just a second ago? If you have, you may be familiar with the "I already lost it" feeling.
It's kinda wierd when you put it that way, the other day I was with this schoolmate talking about this big ass programming project we have and he goes something like "Yeah, man, you have to do this and that, cause we really need to have this shit done cause blah blah blah, kinda hope the teacher don't notice that blah blah blah, and the fucking Ed haven't done his part of the proyect and blah blah blah blah". I just don't give a damn, y'know cause I already lost it.
Let me try to explain it, for example, right now, the biggest mosquito I've seen in my life is flying around the room, near the TV, down my mini christmass tree, back the door and all those crapy places mosquitos usually fly around, in regular circumstances I would stand up, take a shoe and start hunting it 'til I could crush its tiny little body against a wall, but like, I've already told you, "I lost it" so instead of that I'm just right here writing a shitty entry for my blog and smoking, cause I don't give a fuck about that stupid mosquito, he's just there doing something he knows he must do for survival and as far as I'm concerned it can eat shit and die.
I know right know some of you are all like "Dude, I totally know that feeling" but you don't, you definitely don't, this is my singular and particular life, and I'm here because all those crap or glorious decisions I've made and... You know what? Fuck it, I don't care what you think... "I've already lost it, remember?"
Just a moment ago this seemed like a good idea.